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Welcome to Professor Bean's Study Many famous students like William Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe have gathered the rudiments of good writing under the tutelage of old Professor Grammarius Bean. Please don't ask the dear professor how old he is! He won't tell you. However, I have heard that he's been teaching so long that even the objects in his study know more about English than some of his students do! One student was once forgotten overnight in our absent-minded professor's study, and he swears to this day, that towards midnight he saw the objects in that study come to life. They awoke to engage in some debate about writing. He was understandably terrified and hid in the shadows while listening in on their conversation....
THE BUST OF A FAMOUS FIGURE: starts chatting: Good. They've gone. Now, back to business! Who started that bit about Edgar Allan Poe not passing his quiz on documentation when he was a student here? WALL #1: (Adamantly) I heard it. I heard it, I tell you! TELEPHONE: This happens all the time! You're always playing telephone! The desk overheard it in class, and told the floor, who told the chalk, who told the erasers, who told the chalkboard, who told the wall next door, who met you at one corner of the room and told you. And what happens every single time?? The original message gets messed up being passed on so many times. The message we get is nothing at all like the original message. DICTIONARY: Yup. yup. Good call, Phone. (Addressing the others.) He's the authority on messages. We should listen to him on this issue. PEN: (Writing in agitated demonstration.) I say from now on, we refuse to accept anything as factual that isn't in writing! CHESS PIECES: (In unison) Having heard it or having read it, what's the difference? So long as we get the message! RADIO: You know, he's right. All language, in whatever form, is still communication. I mean, as long as the message means something, what does it matter what form the message is in? TELEPHONE: Because the information we've been getting isn't always correct. I suspect that comes from the message being translated over and over as it's passed along. And, lately, most of the messages we've been receiving don't even make sense! We've been getting gobbledygook! DICTIONARY: I think it's the erasers - they're going deaf, you know. PEN: And what's more, the messages aren't even composed properly! PAINTING: Composition! I think that's where the problem and the answer lie! DICTIONARY: (Flipping pages and mumbling.) Composition...com, po... zih - Aha! Here it is! composition: the arrangement or organization of patterned parts to make a whole unit. (Pause) I don't get it. What does that mean? PAINTING: Haven't you ever enjoyed beautiful music or been fascinated by a particular painting? They were no doubt great compositions! A composition is a piece of work that has put together many parts to form a whole work. The artists use paints to compose, and musicians make a score by arranging musical notes. The time signatures and musical notes of musicians and the paints of artists translate into parts of speech, grammar, syntax, and punctuation in English Composition. They help to compose a work of poetry or prose according to certain rules. RADIO: In other words, when we use language, we're composing all those bits in such a way that they communicate meaning, right? PEN: Yes. Language composes meaning, and language is composed of words and syntax and grammar and - you get the point. RADIO: So, speech seems to be just as composed as written language. All well and good there, but don't we compose what we say? DICTIONARY: Well, it would seem so. If both speech and writing are composed, then which is best? RADIO: Yeah. What's the best way to communicate meaning? WALL # 2: You mean, word-of-mouth, composed as it is, isn't just as good to communicate meaning as writing? PEN: Remember that nice young student, Frank Smith? In his book, Writing and the Writer, he said, "there is no one best way of using language; [there is] no correct form that is appropriate for all occasions." TELEPHONE: They both seem to have their own advantages: Spoken language has an immediacy of purpose. It's used right here and right now. It happens quickly. The words are fleeting, but, if you don't understand, if something's not clear, the speaker is present. You can simply ask for clarification. That's the best part of spoken language. WALL # 2: Transmission and translations of speech cause problems? CHESS PIECES: (All a bit peeved.) Spoken, written....who cares??...Did he or didn't he pass that test? LAMP: (speaking for the first time while illuminating the room with light): I see now. Once spoken, words can never be taken back or deleted. And the speaker's message never gets farther than the people who are listening to him. Transmitting the exact message to a distant audience is impossible. DICTIONARY: But written language has permanence... BUST (Pompously) ...Yes! Even our newest students are familiar with my writings. My message never gets lost... WALL # 1: That seems all well and good, but... A BOOK FROM THE SHELF: (Interjects)
Lord Polonius: What do you read, my lord? Hamlet: "Words
words words."
RADIO: I think I get his gist. He means that even when you put all these words together and meaning has been made, there's still something lacking. Where's the drama? I'm with the book on this one. It's still all just "words, words, words" - however permanent they are. How could a written message intrigue us and excite us in the same way as speech? If we don't see the speaker and hear the tone of his or her voice, where's the urgency? What sets the tone? Where's the excitement? We're supposed to get excited over some silly scribbles? Bah! BUST: Words aren't just scribbles! Those "scribbles" make up language - a language with the power to transcend time and space and to affect generations of readers. My work has affected audiences for hundreds of years now. Writing creates reading, and the written word is a powerful tool. I may never meet my readers or listeners, nor they, me, but my work has been known to move my readers to horror, excitement, and tears. RADIO: (Jokingly) Humph! Tears of boredom, maybe! TELEPHONE: Yeah, joke if you want, but most people don't need to see the speaker on the other end to get emotional about the message. All they have to do is hear the person talking. I imagine it's the same with writing - a good story is every bit as entertaining. DICTIONARY: It's almost as if the writer were there - in that very room - like talking to someone on the other end of that telephone? CHESS PIECES: (Annoyed) Speaking of entertainment.... PEN: And writing is far more than just entertaining. Every educated person needs to write; you know it helps our students to think and learn and gain a mastery over certain concepts. BOOK # 2 ON THE SHELF: " ' I'Il never miss an opportunity to point out that poetry is made of words, yes, that it is made of words and sound, yes. But above all, in structural elements, poetry is made of lines. Unless the link is working, the rhythm is gone, and the power of poetry over the unsayable has disappeared with it.' - Archibald MacLeish..." PORTRAIT: ...from the The Writer's 1982 Yearbook. Yes. Writing has power over the "unsayable" by conveying the writer's innermost feeling and attitudes as well as thoughts just as well as spoken language - Maybe even more so. And what's more, the author's composition, in turn, paints a picture of the author. PEN: Therefore, writing is more than a medium for expression and communication. It's more than a powerful tool. It could be argued that writing is form of art. RADIO:.So this art, this art form, the written message, can be persuasive, heh? KING & QUEEN CHESS PIECES: (Perturbed outburst.) Art - shmart!! Just give me the dirt!!!! RADIO: Dirt or not, it would be nice to have a clear message. ALL CHESS PIECES: (Grumbling and mumbling.) It would be nice to have any message at this point. TELEPHONE: And, it would be nice to have an accurate record of who said what...speaking of records - there must be a written record to prove that Edgar either did or didn't pass that unit on documentation. BOOK #3 ON THE SHELF: - " Sir William Davenant - 'Since intelligence is sorrow's spy...' " TELEPHONE: It's right! We need someone to go snooping through the Prof.'s old grade book! BUST: (Looking around, eyes getting big and alarmed as it looks in the direction of the student.) No, HE MEANS WE'VE GOT A SPY ON OUR HANDS! (Everyone of the talking objects jiggles in alarm
and seems to talk at once; typical crowd noises)
RADIO: (Accusingly at BUST) I thought you'd said they'd all gone! BUST: I didn't see that one! (LAMP quickly blinks off) DICTIONARY: Well, what now? BOOK # 4 ON THE SHELF: "Where ignorance is bliss/Tis folly to be wise..." BUST: Pardon, my mistake! CHESS PIECES: At least WE didn't ask for this gossip! PEN: That one's already wise to us now! WALL # 2: You've started enough gossip in your time! PORTRAIT: (Above the din) EVERYONE, SETTLE DOWN! ENOUGH, please! (Pause. A few moments of silence.) Student, how long have you been there? You realize that you've put us in a most awkward position, no? Let me be plain - we never talk in front of humans. Now that you've found us out, you'd be wise to not gossip about it...We'lll just deny it, you know. RADIO: (To PORTRAIT) Don't be so cold to the kid! It is one of our students after all. Besides, after a couple of hundred years, you'd think one of them would get wise to us. (addressing student) Listen, kid, you're welcome here. We usually don't chit-chat with people, but now that you know, you come chat with us anytime. Just keep this info. under wraps, ok? PEN: (To the student) Yes, do be hush-hush about it. But do return as well - How much did you hear? (Addressing the others.) We could use a new perspective on our topic. WALL # 2: You know, we might have to tell the professor about this... LAMP: I don't believe that that one even knows the parts of speech yet. Look! The first quiz is still sitting by the pen. CHESS PIECES: (To student) What? You haven't even finished your first lesson yet?! BUST: Positively scandalous! Well, be off with you! Get to work! DICTIONARY: You'll need to learn all you can in order to become a good writer, and you'll need to do a little reading and writing of your own.... I bet you'll be back to see me soon! (To the others) How good! We'll have new company! WALL # 1: Rumor has it that there's a lot to learn this semester and that the readings are far more interesting than last semester. I don't know how true that is - but you didn't hear it here! |
